Outside these hallowed walls

I went to college in Baltimore.  Lots of people don't really know anything about the city.  While scenes from The Wire are probably playing in the minds of those who know of Bmore.  But the folks who have ventured out into the streets and neighborhoods of Charm City know that it's, well, charming.

When you're in college you have the freedom to explore your surroundings.  But all too often--especially if you're in a city that doesn't get a great rap--college kids stay safe inside the hallowed walls of knowledge doing a lot of learning, but missing out on living.  Your studies should of course take precedence, but there is a lot of dead time worked into a typical course schedule. And I know I wish I had used it better.  (I remember I tried to make sure I never had a class that started before 10 in the morning so I could sleep in everyday.)  But you know what?  I never look back and think, "boy oh boy, I wish I had slept more in college!"

So in short, my advice is to learn, but also to live.  Take ownership of your new home, so when you go back--like I did to baltimore a few weeks ago--you'll have a whole park's worth of memory lanes to walk through.

Find new comfort foods. Carma's yogurt and the egg & cheese sandwich
from uni mini were my favorites.

There are some people you'll see almost everyday, but never talk to.  

Try saying hello.

Do something illegal  

Wear weird stuff.   It's super fun, and WAAY harder to do when you have a job.

♥

Avoiding the Freshman 25 or My TOP FIVE picks at the market

5. Tomatoes in all shapes, sizes, colors.  But the yumminess is consistent!

4. Local Oyster mushrooms.  SOOOO good in most anything but cereal and cakes.

3. Roots! Beets and Carrots this week.  (See next post for the most mind blowing beats ever, c/o Brother C!).  

2. SQUAsh!!! 

 Or maybe slightly Snarky Signs

Or maybe Flowers!

did I mention I am not very good at choosing?

But choosing my very favorite was easy.

I know without a doubt what my my top pick is...

1. The ONE (not One) & ONLY

FMT*

*Please note TFMT is only for my choosing.  You may find your own TFM.  Just make sure he is not TFMT, or we will have some major words.  Thank you.

Advice for the college-bound

Even thought this may seem like Natural Disaster Week, it's actually Back to School Week here at Five! 

Fourteen years ago this week, when I was just about the same age as Five, I was wandering around the same campus, pouring over the same blue course catalogue, filled with a similar sense of awe and excitement and trepidation.  And if I could go back and talk to my 17-year-old self, these are the Top 5 nuggets of been-there-done-that back-to-the-ivy-covered-ivory-tower wisdom I would share:

1. Revel in it! This is maybe the only time in your life when your most significant duty is to learn new things, stretch your brain and become a more complete person.  Try to let that sink in, and enjoy every delicious minute.

2. LOVE the Semester System.  Life in college gets crazy. Each term starts off with a bang, and builds into a frenzied crescendo of activity and obligations.  In the weeks between Thanksgiving and holiday break, you'll probably feel like there isn't time to breathe.  And you'll probably be right.  But then, just like that, you'll wake up one morning afternoon to a room littered with papers and Diet Coke cans and realize: you're done. Your tests are taken, your papers are in, the glowing shower stall you constructed out of neon lights and hula hoops in the basement of the art building is... glowing (true story).  You did your best and it's out of your hands.  The slate is clean (even though your room might not be) and in a couple weeks or months, you get to start fresh.  Post-college life seldom offers such new beginnings, so enjoy it while it lasts!

3. Pick your passion.  This one is tough -- at one level, I want to say "try everything!" At the same time, I think you'll be happier if, from the din of political clubs and theater groups, animal rights societies and juggling guilds, you're able to find one or two things to do really well.  Maybe choose ONE thing to which you really want to be devoted, and then cram the remaining space in your life full of bits and pieces of everything else?  This isn't something I ever figured out, and I still struggle to focus my energies in a meaningful way.  I'm not sure this is actually very good advice...  Moving on!! 

4. Date, (with caution!). This goes for you, too, Five. Dating was, without question, the best and the worst thing I did in college.  The funny thing is, I kinda knew it at the time.  The year I spent dizzy with love for 19-year-old (future) Mr. One was one of the most amazing and growth-filled times in my life. I knew that he helped me to be a better version of myself, which was an amazing gift during that terrifyingly malleable time in my life.  Later, after my True Match graduated and I convinced myself I couldn't possibly spend eternity with the dude who had been my first real boyfriend, when I was suffocating in a relationship with a too-old, too-needy grad student, I knew it was a bad use of my time and energies.  But I didn't have the backbone to tell him that, which was really unfair to both of us.  If only he hadn't have been so dang persistent.  And good looking....  Anyway, listen to your heart and then do what it tells you. And if you're not sure what it's saying, listen to each other. 

5. Be/come yourself!  College shouldn't change you.  But it should give you the space to grow and become more completely the person you really are.  Shed those parts of you that were adopted to make someone else happy or emphasized to help you fit in somewhere you may never have belonged in the first place.  Explore new things and satisfy your curiosities.  Seek out friends with whom you are appreciated as your authentic self, and then treasure those relationships.  I have a hunch that as you settle into the person you really want to be, you're each just going to become more and more delightful/amazing.  I can't wait!

Disaster Preparedness

So, as you may or may not know, there's a storm a'coming to the East Coast. Right when we happen to be on the East Coast. In fact, I think that natural disasters have an unhealthy obsession with Momo, Four, Z, and me, because they've kind of been stalking us (earthquake in Colorado, then DC, and now a hurricane in New Haven? I mean, come on nature. Get a life.) Anyway, I thought this provided an excellent opportunity to teach Disaster Preparedness 126: Dorm Room Food Storage.

Lesson 1: Get a lot of crap food from your dining hall

Lesson 2: Feel guilty

Lesson 3: Go back and get some fruit

Lesson 4: Get an egg, too

Lesson 5: Don't die

If you haven't already guessed, this is a very popular class.

Thanks Everyone. . . but mostly Z (and, of course, Momo)

So, we've been fluttering about for the last few days preparing for the coming semester at mine and Four's new alma mater. It's been hectic, nerve wracking, exhausting, and thrilling. The people I love the most have been unendingly supportive and sweet, and Z in particular has gone the extra mile. Actually, a few thousand extra miles.

Z, whether by choice or not (probably not), you have racked up some major credit in the National Bank of Five's Good Will. So here's a brief list of some things that I owe you for:

• Driving across the country in a car so filled that making your 6+" self fold into it for hours of uninterrupted driving doubtless qualified as cruel and unusual punishment
• Wandering the inescapable corridors of IKEA and having your positive opinion used as the barometer for what not to purchase
• Transporting and assembling couches, ottomans, and most anything else you can think of on an empty stomach (sorry that we occasionally forget that food and its consumption are necessary components of life)
• Giving me tips on how to be as winsome as you are
• Fibbing, and then deciding a few moments later to tell me that/why you did
• Exploring with me
• Offering to buy me mace
• Working to be awesome (easy) and good (a bit harder)
• Your brothering skillz. You make a pretty great one.

I love you. I'm really going to miss you. Be good.

Moving in!

Five and I arrived in New Haven last night and--with the help of Momo, brother Z and a an honest-to-goodness saint (THANK YOU MR. M!!!)--were able to move into our dorm rooms. Which we kind of love.

Here are the deets:

We are in the same residential college (a happy coincidence as you're supposed to be assigned randomly). Our rooms are in the same entryway (perhaps not such a coincidence), on the same floor (is anyone else getting the feeling this was planned?), next door to each other (aha! I knew it was too good to be true! I kid, I kid :)! Plus, we have a door that, when opened, makes our two separate, but lonely, rooms into one giant party! (It's actually more of an emergency exit than a door, but what the hey! We like it :).

Anyway, we have lots of things to do today. We're on the market for luxury items like trash receptacles, shampoo, and an iron. But, what I really want to get are some plants! Each room has a big block of windows and I want to fill them up with green things! So, I guess the real question is this: what types of plants are the most difficult to kill?

Source

Shaken, not Stirred

On Faith

So...

Last week, the leader of our congregation asked us all to fill out this thing about what we believe.  I'm a pretty big fan of my faith and so I happily obliged.  But it got me thinking about some of the complexities of religion and faith.

Religion's in the news, on tv, even on Broadway.

Religion has been in the news a lot.  People love it.  People hate it.  People don't think it gets enough respect.  Some people write funny musicals about it.  People kill in its name and heal through its power.  It tears families apart and binds them together.  It's a source of tremendous wisdom and ignorance.  It's one messy ball of wax.

Even in our own family, we have different takes on the role of faith and God in our lives.  Some of us pray morning, noon and night, making religious zeal the favorite past time while others are more straightforward about the faith we were brought up with.  Some of us don't practice at all and sometimes, we fight about the best or right or correct way to be, i.e.,  your skirt is too short, you're too judgmental, that movie is inappropriate, what you believe is crazy.

But one thing we all agree on, is no matter what religion a person prescribes to, at the beginning and end of the day it is the love, respect, decency and kindness we share that matters.  It doesn't matter what tradition you come from, what religion you have or don't, what culture you were brought up in or what God you ascribe to: Faith is worthwhile as it helps us to be kinder, more generous, more loving and forgiving people.

We can't even agree on appropriate hem lengths.
But we can agree that we are genetically prone to
the whitest legs in the history of white, pasty, chalky
legs... Except for One. Her legs are blue.

Whether we're talking about Jesus, The Buddah, Mohammed, Krishna, Ghandi, go on down the list.  The effects of their teaching might have been revolutionary, but the teachings worth following are  based in charity.  Many atheists are simply disenchanted with religious bickering and feel like people should be able to be decent without some All-Powerful Deity telling them to do so.



I, for one, am profoundly grateful to feel the hand of God at work in my life.  But at the beginning and end of the day, when my default setting is to show kindness and love to others, I never regret it.  And to me, that is what faith is all about.

I think the editors of BRIDES and GLAMOUR have been reading the blog...

So...

A while ago, we had a post on moving onto things other than diamonds for engagement rings and shared a variety of our favorites.

Well, it seems like the ladies at BRIDES Magazine and GLAMOUR had the same idea, seeing as they just came out with a new selection of their favorite non-diamond engagement rings.  Pick which ones you like more!

And just for fun, here are a few more of my favorites...

Teenagers? Ask 5.

Q: I've just been called as the leader of the girl's youth group at my church and I've swung from initial buzziness to packing for a foreign hideout destination. I was in a youth group for less than a year and can't remember too much of it so I could use some ideas for activities to get them excited and coming up with their own ideas for things they would like to do. Can you 5 remember a great activity - what was it and how did it make you feel? How did you change because of it? What really made it special? Thanks!

A:

One (Pretty Dang Old): Honestly, I don't remember one particular activity. I certainly did lots of stuff - crafts and service and game nights and slumber parties - but all these years later, it's kind of a blur. What stands out very clearly in my quasi-geriatric mind, much more than anything we did, is how some of my adult leaders made me feel.  They made me feel *special* (and I use that word very advisedly).  When I look back and realize how those women were juggling their own jobs/kids/husbands/households/lives, and I remember how they used to go to girls camp eight months pregnant, or pick me up even though I wasn't even remotely on the way, or would stay super-late after activities just to talk (maybe because my parents kinda forgot to come get me), I am in awe.  I'm sure I didn't express my gratitude at the time, but I am deeply grateful now for the love and sacrifice.  Honestly, whatever you do, the kids will probably seem ungrateful, so I would say keep it simple and fun, and make lots of time to talk casually about things that really matter.  

Two (Teenagers Hate Me): I just went to a clothing swap in NYC.  It was great fun even though I didn't pick anything out for myself.  I also like crafts.  Check out the good life for some crafting ideas.  This woman transforms clothes from drab to fab and skanky to swanky.  Service is also wonderful and some of my favorite activities were when we would go and visit the mentally ill, the elderly, the sick or serve children in the community. 

Three (Hated Being a Teenager): Out of the five of us I'm the closest thing you'll get to the average teenager, so listen close.  Teenagers exist in the thin margin that separates children from adults.  They are stupid and rash and moody as heck.  Because they are figuring out who they want to be--not to mention who they are now--and that's a scary question. (Can you tell I was angsty?)  SO, with that in mind, I would suggest doing things that will help them answer such questions.  Have a literature night where they each talk about their favorite book.  Talk to them about their tastes in music or public media, and when they say things that shock you--because they probably will--try not judge.  Speaking of judging, I think that is the most important take away I have for you, the girls won't want to be there if they feel like you're overly critical of them. It can be painful to see people you care about screwing up their nubile lives.  And there will be times you'll want to hold their rouged cheeks in you hands and scream into those heavily lined-eyes until they "get it."  But refrain.  Show them love, and they will love you.  Because little Becky won't remember that you took her skating or taught her to cross-stitch, all she'll carry with her is the memory of how you made her feel.

Four (Never Really Was a Teenager): For the most part, my leaders really tried. They put a lot of effort into planning special activities, and, to be honest, I didn't appreciate them enough. (And I was a really good kid!). I would advise you to ask the girls in your group what they want to do. Our gang would have brainstorming sessions about 4X a year. Each girl was given a pack of sticky notes, a pen and 10 minutes to write down different ideas for activities. Some of the ideas were more realistic than others (e.g. learning to swing dance vs. learning to breed ligers), but everyone's ideas were taken into account--and all of the girls felt included and valued.... Or at least I did, and the others should have :) My favorite activities were service oriented. For example, after Hurricane Katrina, we put together hundreds of hygiene packs to send to the areas impacted by the storm. Each girl donated what she could (soap, toothbrushes, towels, etc.) and then we went door to door asking our neighbors to contribute. It was wonderful. Everyone was incredibly generous and it got us all involved in something really worthwhile. I also enjoyed our ice skating trips, sewing tutorials, cook-offs, and caroling trips to nursing homes. They're going to love you. And if they don't, remember this: they're stupid teenagers.  

Five (Hates Teenagers): Make them do manual labor. Either that or latchhook. Whatever you do, don't let them interact with young men. They'll ask, then beg, and then shamelessly manipulate, but DO NOT CAVE.

P.S. I'm actually still a participant of my youth group and I'm not giving enough credit to my current leaders, who do a pretty super job. My advice above still stands, but they would probably say to take advantage of promotional opportunities (i.e. first week of hot yoga FREE!), make your primary focus service, and to not stress out about your new duties too much. At worst, you'll badly influence these girls at a crucial point in their development and they'll go into a tailspin which they may or may not recover from, and may ultimately result in a homicidal rampage at a petting zoo. But a less than mind-blowing activity every few weeks probably won't do that.

At Least Play-Doh Legs Are Colorful.

Excessive?

Yes.

Am I bringing all 17 pairs to school with me?

Definitely.

I don't even like wearing skirts.

Happy Cakes!

Yesterday afternoon our beloved Indonesian sister P kidnapped Five and me for a much needed break. (We had been packing for school all day and were both suffering from a severe case of cabin fever.) We went to a cute little bakery called "Happy Cakes", and after doing a complicated mathematical equation, we discovered that six cupcakes would satisfy the three of us. Lemon Raspberry, Chocolate Chocolate, Vanilla, Lemon Drop, "Vegan" (which tasted like French Toast), and, of course, Buttercream Bacon (which--as avid vegetarians--we couldn't eat, but for some reason still wanted to buy...I'm not exactly sure what that says about us). Unfortunately we only made it through four of them, and, surprisingly, my favorite was the vegan one! It was so good.

On a slightly unrelated note (read: while I have your attention!): Any suggestions about what I should bring to school? So far I've been told: Halloween costumes

A Whirlwind of a Week!

5 days. 4 airports. 3 layovers. 2 vacation days. 1 performance and SO much in between!

From medical appointments to Stake Temple Day to The FMT almost getting arrested to lunching with new friends to performing for composers to a moped crash (I am relieved and ashamed to say I let The FMT crash alone), to sandy beaches to inner cities, this week really seemed to have it all.  Drama, intrigue, excitement, adventure.

While I don't have pictures for everything, Three was kind enough to lent me her camera for the weekend, which I spent in Nantucket for a performance and some fun with my all time favorite travel buddy. Enjoy!

 

 

Bye!